Lost my android phone.....

Hello Dollies! I have been managing to have a bit of a social life, a bit of me time.  I have  been out a couple of times over the last few months, care of my Dad staying over.....as well as another friend who stays over which is beyond amazing.  JN you know who you are!   Plus my lovely neighbour whose baby sitting rates are quite good.  On my nights out I have visited the newly opened www.electricsocial.com/ which I enjoyed a lot especially the delicious cocktails. My favourite cocktail was an English Garden with cucumber, elderflower and Gin.  This one comes highly recommended by me!   I have been to a house party, or two, an art exhibition.......(New and up coming artists in south London), a  delicious lunch now and then in the West End with the new squeeze.  A comedy night in Covent Garden, and some bars and clubs. www.aqua-london.com is a stunning bar that we went to.  We had tapas and cocktails and it was all delicious.  The waiter was friendly and helpful, a real charmer.  www.movida-london.com is another place I got taken to.  I must say that I felt 100 years old here!  I did get drunk enough to forget about all the children there (all the under 25's, sorry) in their skinny mini outfits which consisted of mostly spandex and sequins stretched across their arses and boobs and shoes high enough to get altitude sickness or at least a nose bleed! (Don't get me wrong, of course I have dressed like this before, in the past, but it was a long time ago and I don't like being reminded how long ago it was!!!!!)  I actually did have a hilarious night once I got over my age insecurities and stopped worrying about what other people might be thinking about me!

My me time can only work in a space that is just fort me, not about my kids.  So it is important for me to have fun, in places that do not remind me of my kids.  Time away from the four walls, allows me to appreciate what I do have even more.  I love the home I have, the life I have, and especially the kids I have.  But going out also reminds me that there is another world out there. One that I can contribute to in so many positive ways.  Having children can sometime make you blinkered.  Not all the time, but sometimes.  You can lose yourself in nappies, housework, play groups, nurseries, nutrition, what school, and where?  Do I need to move house, for the right school?......And then usually, in that time period, another baby comes along, and there you go again!  I know I have said this before, I wouldn't change having children for the world.  They are wonderful and amazing but I wish I could have been a little more selfish in those early years and made sure that I had kept something separate from having children, just for me.

So, in my me time, of course I have been shopping.  Most of it has been on line as I am such a busy lady at the moment! My recent purchases have in included a pair of Fairisle shorts from www.asos.com (Lost my wonderful HTC phone and can not take pictures of myself right now! Obviously I rock them better than this!)

I love love love these and have worn them loads but wish I had got a smaller size.  (Got a 12 which I am not, but keep thinking I am!)

 I also bought some glossy fashion magazines which I never normally do.  Whilst I was reading those magazines they left me feeling the same way that I always end up doing.  Rubbish and fat.  Looking at those skinny models/actors stretched and air brushed to the point that is realistically unachievable.  Photo shopped  to the point of being ridiculous, and even though I know this about all those magazines and images, it still equals me feeling bad about myself.  Feeling fat and unattractive and wanting things that right now I just can't afford.  So then the depression kicks in.  This is why I don't buy those magazines, in fact any at all ever again! (Well at least for a few months!)  So after all that self loathing I end up having to have some retail therapy!

Which is a coincidence as I keep getting all these emails from different brands offering me great deals on stuff I don't really need!  Like a sequinned bomber jacket from New look.  I don't need it but I love it and I bought it, it was half price! And two super cute cross body bags that I got from asos.com in a 20% off all accessories promotion. One is green and the other is glittery gold, I don't care I love them both (I know what you are thinking.....Sucker!)  I am.  I have said it before and will say it again, I am the perfect retail customer, all the sales tricks work on me!   I Also bought some costume jewellery from Brixton Market.  Three items for £5.  I ended up with two bracelets, two rings and fives pairs of earrings!  I was having a bad day...... ;-)  Wish you could see them, feathers, shells, beads, studs and all the colours of the rainbow!

There have bee a few other purchases, mostly Christmas related (presents for kids) and I did get my hair cut for the first time in a LONG time which I was desperate for.  My Hairdresser, Romi is the best. He is Brazilian and I love him!  He is the only person I trust with scissors near my hair.  He works in www.kikihairandbeauty.co.uk/ and he has been cutting my hair for about three years.  He is the sweetest most considerate guy and he always listens to the dramas going on in my life! I love love love Romi.

Anyway must stop adding to this post as I am sure you are probably thinking, STOP WAFFLING Samara! So until next time and I shall tell you all about my best Christmas purchases and sale bargains.  Hope you all have a wonderful festive season and a great New Year.  Go 2012!

Happy Shopping!

Samara x

P.S. Plus it turns out that my love for Mr Lips maybe not be so unrequited.  He has just been keeping his cards close to his chest.  I guess you never can tell what goes on in someone's head!

Mr Lips.

Hello you lot!  So I mentioned in my last post that I had a new squeeze.  I am writing to tell  you that I am enjoying the squeezing!  Let me tell you a little about him.  He is the same age as me.  He has never been married and he doesn't have any kids.  He has island heritage, Jamaican to be precise.  He was educated in the same way as me, which is a refreshing change from the usual for a black man from south London.  He works hard and is driven, which again I find so attractive after my experiences in previous relationships.  He is a gentleman, well mannered and polite.

I think I am in love......I am really hoping that I am not but, I do believe I am.  Annoying, as it's not reciprocated.  Was hoping to never be in this position again, unrequited love.  I tried to keep the upper hand, which lasted for all of about 30 seconds. Then I put my heart on my sleeve in full plain view.  So far he has called me hormonal, vulnerable, baby, girl, sweet, cute.  Not good I know, but with that he has peppered the conversation with, extraordinarily beautiful, hot, great mother, great bum, funny, sweet, and I catch him looking at me like he wants to take care of me and wrap me up hold me close and love me.  He always looks so surprised by my sweetness and the attention I show him. I don't know if I am right at all, but I hope so.

I have caught him watching me cook, and he loves my hands on his body, (but then who wouldn't!)  He is not generous with his kisses (resembles a cats bum) but he makes me work for what he does give me, and when he lets his guard down, his kisses are tender, sensual and turn me on so much.  I like that.  After being with some someone who adored me to the point of idolisation, there is something to say about having to make an effort rather than being in a relationship where everything is taken for granted.  It takes perseverance and energy to make a relationship work, which I am pretty sure I didn't have with my ex.  It was too easy for me.  No keeping me on my toes.

I do have feelings of love for him.  Warm, fuzzy, light, goofy, and I grin like a fool when I think of him.  He lifts my spirits and makes me feel like all my troubles have melted away.   Even after all the time that we have been seeing each other, I  still get butterflies and my tummy flips. Just want to be in the same room as him. OMG I am making myself sick with soppiness!  I can't control it!  He is funny, smart, motivated and has the most delicious thighs.  He is sweet and generous (just not with his kisses, but I am working on that because I know those lips can be so bad if he lets himself go).  He has the most kissable lips and stunning eyes to get lost in for time.  I think because I let him know how I feel, I make him uncomfortable.  I hope I don't push him away, but you know what if my love is too much for him, then he is not ready for it and surely doesn't deserve it.

Investing in this relationship is a chance I have to take. I am not saying it will be easy with me, I have my own issues too (which he is all too aware of) and two kids...I hope that is not too much to ask from him?  Mr Lips?

Are you cheating time?

I think it is really cruel what time can do to you.  To your skin, to your hair and your body.  I have been unfortunate enough to have started going grey.  I discovered my first grey hairs when I was 23.  I have been progressively getting greyer since then, a little more after the birth of each of my children and even more after my separation and on going divorce.  So what to do?  Do I cover it or grow old gracefully?  It's not like I even look the ripe old age of 34! I am always getting asked for ID when buying alcohol. (They have to think 25 here in the UK which means they think I am younger than that! Sweet!)  So I made the decision, after some gentle persuasion by friends and family, to cover up the little silver soldiers that are planning a total take over on my head! The formation of the silver strands are much akin to Lily from the "Munster's" (if you are old enough to know who I mean and if not.......!!!!)

I don't know if I made the right decision as I will have to keep touching up the regrowth, and that sounds like more work in my busy life.  I love that I am a low maintenance woman, and the thought of the extra grooming makes me feel lazy!  Anyway, it's done now.

A few days later and I am still adjusting to the difference it makes, I think I miss them, the grey hairs that is.....is that weird?  I guess I am missing my old routine.  I have a a little job now 4 days a week and I miss the comfort of my living room! Pootling about, cleaning, cooking, shopping, and have the occasional lunch with friends.  I know I still have one day a week to myself but I feel more obliged than ever to clean, or bake for school cake sales or make fancy dress costumes for the school disco, you get my drift.  I just need time to adjust.  I think that is the hardest thing to do after any length of time in a routine.  Adjust.  To an new job, to a new relationship, to having kids, to the end of a relationship, to sharing your bed again for the first time in over 18 months....and not even on a regular basis,  just on occasions! It all takes a little time, which I guess I have more of.

It's funny I have spent the last few years wishing the kids were older and at school, so that I could work and have a career again, yet now I'm here I feel so apprehensive it contradicts everything I thought I was ready for.  I have ended up feeling disjointed and unsure.  But I am sure that I want to provide for my own children, grey hairs or not!  I guess I have to feel the fear and do it any way!  Something that my Dad always used to say me, like when I was taking my driving test, which I failed twice before I really understood what my Dad was saying to me!

Anyway time is cruel.  It is swift and fleeting, yet sometimes can feel like a boggy marsh that you get stuck in.  The main thing is that I am not surprised by time. I understand its quick and slow,  its need to rush and trickle and then I know that time is not doing anything to me, that it's not doing to everyone else! Don't fight it too hard, embrace it and cherish it.  I know the older I get, the more I appreciate my life, my gifts and talents I have, my children, family, friends....you get what I am saying!  Actually a few grey hairs seem inconsequential now, who cares?  Ummmmm MEEEE!!!! I hope to never grow old gracefully and I hope that my kids forgive me for this now, as I am sure if they are anything like me that they will be young at heart forever. What a revelation I have had writing this post!

Anyway next time more shopping and some juicy gossip, I promise. (Like me and my new squeeze bumping into my ex!)

Happy Ageing

Samara