How many times can i keep on saying the same thing without becoming monotonous or patronising? I love writing and talking about clothes and my wonderful kids but I really want to talk about relationships and how it is for me now I am separated and dating again.
It seems to me that men will say WHATEVER they need to say to a woman, to get what they want, even if what they say is not the truth. Some men work so hard on the lies they tell, that it becomes their truth. Others are not committed enough to the deception and get caught out. Either way these kind of men are all the men there are. There is an exception to my rule, there are men who never lie, never take a risk, never speak up for themselves, but generally these are the kind of men that you don't want to be in a relationship with because they bore you senseless!
So in the last year or so there has been the Skinny boy with a good job, own house and a great sense of humour, but terrified of commitment, children and anyone who likes him enough to tell him. Plus loads of family issues, but who hasn't.
Then there was the young boy who was a bit little ginger, not working, living with his dad, and could only talk about himself. He wanted only to bunk up.
Then there was the blue eyed wide boy who was tattooed up, who pursued me relentlessly, until I conceded, to then be told he was seeing someone and was trying to be "good". Nice.
Then there was the tall dark handsome loveliness, who was the most amazing kisser. Who has a couple of kids and issues as long as my legs end to end. I really like this one but I scared him off because I told him how I felt and there was just not enough of him to go around.
Finally there was Him. The one who I thought would end this endless loneliness I feel when I put the kids to bed at 7pm, as the endless evening stretches out in front of me, with nothing but the computer and TV as my company. I thought I had found someone to share my passions and love with. But, as before I put it all out there and scared him with the strength of my passion, the size of my heart and the love in my eyes. By the time he had realised what he had in me was not scary, it was too late. He pushed me away so hard that even now I can still feel the pain of that moment when it all fell away. Nothing now could take me back to that place with him.
So I'm back to square one, but writing this I can see a pattern emerging. I know it already, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I always say how I feel. I can see how that can scare those men, but not me. I know that I won't change who I am. If the passion I feel for someone scares them then they don't deserve to have it. My love is considerate, passionate, genuine, loyal, freaky, cheeky, and most of all honest. Men out there you should be scared of me because I am a powerful woman!!!!
All of this has made me realise I don't want to compromise myself, my needs and what my children need. If that means I stay by myself, then so be it. I still get a out couple of nights a week and can grab a cheeky snog to give me a little comfort, of which there have been a few!
So onwards and upwards. Who wants to step up to me next?
