Click.

This on line dating business is a funny one, in that there is so much game playing, so much thought put into each comment, or response, that the spontaneity that you have in a face to face situation is lost, completely.  It leaves me feeling very unsure and to be honest slightly more neurotic than ever.  Especially when I am now at a point in my life and situation that I am finally feeling whole and complete.  Not needy or insecure, but this has the potential to make me feel that way again.   As much I know this about on line dating it makes me want to run for the hills,  but there is a part of me as usual,  that will still always stand my ground, so I will keep clicking.  I am a crazy mofo!

So I met this guy on the site I have joined.  He is, on paper a pretty respectable guy, (although not even sure what is supposed to mean, educated,  employed, well travelled?)  I know that when I looked at his pictures, he wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but handsome.  (Hope he doesn't read this!) but there is something about the pictures he posted.  And even now after two dates I can't stop looking at them.  So messages were sent back and forth and a rapport was struck. Numbers were exchanged, well actually I gave him mine....of course it was me first!  

In our first conversation it occurred to me how much I had in common with this stranger and also how much I loved the sound of his voice.  It struck a cord in me, like a double bass, low and mellow.  Vibrating through me.  I feel crazy being attracted to his voice but I guess that is primeval  reaction. Anyway we spoke for maybe an hour and agreed to meet in a couple of days. Even now talking about his voice makes me slightly crazy, in a good way!

In the mean time on the site and I am still getting messages and invites out for dinner.  Still getting compliments and getting my ego massaged.  The thing is I can't help feeling like this is all wrong. Like I am cheating.  I have to give this guy a go first before I decide that he is not right.  I mean I actually like him, but I don't want to put  all my eggs in one basket, for the usual reasons.  I just feel a bit wrong.  Maybe it's my catholic up bringing!  As I met him the way I did, I feel like it is too early to say, are you still checking girls out, do you want me to stop checking out boys,  without sounding like a complete stalker or possessive. I am not.  It is just so hard to know what to do.  Almost enough to make we wish I was still with my ex....but not quite!  

I guess I'll just take it one day at a time.  I will let you know that, the first date was amazing, he was kind, funny, generous, witty, interesting and captivating.  He also let me talk a lot!  Plus his eyes are amazing, and our first kiss was out of this world, but I'm not saying that I like him (unless he says he likes me).  Our second date was even better.  Lets see what the third holds. On line dating is weird but wonderful experience. Just hope I don't have to do it for too long as I may end up a neurotic bundle of mess, which is not cool.

Birthday presents continued....

Hello my lovelies!  I still really want to show you all my gifts that I received from family and friends for my birthday.  I know I keep banging on about it but, it is a whole year until my next one.  I think it is a really long time to go between celebrations.  A time to feel loved and appreciated by your family and friends.  I am lucky though because everybody I know spreads the love on a daily basis.  I don't need to imagine how hard it is not to hear and feel it regularly. There was the dark days, which when I had my first child and I didn't know anybody that had a baby or was pregnant.  All of my social friends that I had before I got pregnant just melted away into the aether never to be heard from again by the time the baby arrived.

I joined the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) antenatal group local to me and a NCT tea group (ladies brought together by proximity of location and their babies birth date).  At both I met some lovely people whom I became good friends with.  In the first few months of my daughters birth I was fine, but what happened after that I was not prepared for.  After a very "generous" 6 months paid maternity leave (1 year now), the friends that I had built a support network with went back to work.  The depression started to set in and I was so lonely. My lowest point was when the baby was about 9 months old.  I was eating my way through my loneliness, and crept up from a size 10 to a 14/16.  I didn't even realise.  It wasn't until my best friend asked me to be a brides-made when the baby was 16 months old that I woke from the food loving I'd been giving myself.  It was a hard slog but I shed the weight in time.

Over the years, as it has been that now, my new friends slowly moved further out of London, or left completely.  I have learnt to not take it so personally now when friends move away and I never take friendships for granted.  But I have also learnt to push past the fronts that Mum's put up because they think that being perceived as a parent that is coping is better than not. Rather than actually talking about parenthood and getting help and support which could be seen as a sign of failure.  It is not. Anyway, seven years later I have learnt a lot and take support and advice wherever I can get it.

Sorry, I digressed monumentally then from the topic of conversation which was, my presents!

The red bracelet is from the V&A.  The flower bracelet I got with a dress from H&M (below) and the green bracelet was from my children!  I nearly fell off my chair when they gave it me (as it means the kids DAD bought it for me!)

(Big hair day!) Dress from H&M. Come on sunshine.

I got 5 pairs of earrings, three from my sister, one from my Mum and one pair that I bought with my vouchers from Joy.

Bananas! River Island.

These two are super long and the second one is like a pair I've seen Kelis wearing!  Not for everyone, but definitely for me!

Bees earrings from Joy.  I do love insect jewellery.

I also got the dress below from Joy with my vouchers, plus after a year of having a Ritzy cinema membership, I just discovered that it entitles you to 10% off so I didn't have to pay any extra. Love the colour, the fabric and the pockets of the dress.  I like the structure, and the tie at the back gives you the illusion of a smaller waist.

I also got a voucher for H&M, so I bought these items!

Go bananas!

This necklace is made by a company called www.discobeads.com, and was a gift from my very dear and sweet friend.

 

The beads are like cats eye and reflect the light. I love them!  Disco Beads have a whole range of jewellery in different styles and colours, check them out.  These super cool sunglasses are great, I can never have too many pairs (especially now since got contact lenses).

And finally the new Nike iD's!!!!!  My new Nike Blazer High iD's, put together by myself, as a gift from my Mum.  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Many thanks to all that sponsored this latest blog!  See what I mean, my friends spread the love.  So see you soon. Got lots more to tell, as always.

Happy Shopping!

Samara

Thirty four and counting!

So some time ago back the 70's a man and a woman conceived a child.  (Yes I mean me!)  Some time later I arrived into the world and have been blessing the world with my presence ever since!  Every birthday I have had, my Mum has told me that she thinks mothers should get a present on their child's birthday because, well they went through pregnancy and labour and women sacrificed their bodies to bring a child into the world!  Being a mother myself and having had two caesarian sections,  I now totally agree.  I am owed 11 presents! I dread to think what my Mum  is owed or my friend's Mum who has had five children!

So I had my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and I had the most wonderful weekend.  (My birthday was on a Friday so I felt obliged to celebrate into the weekend, all weekend!) Friday day I was lucky enough to have both my children in school all day.  So as soon as they were both deposited at the school gates, I charged to the tube station, birthday vouchers in hand with my Mother in tow. Oxford circus was waiting for me.  The streets were empty (no stalling behind tourist with only 4 hours shopping time!)  I met my sister too, and between the three of us we must have covered every shop on Oxford street and Carnaby street.  It was such a luxury to be able to shop with my family, to get their opinions and to spend the day with them as they are not usually not in the country for my birthday. I knew that the summer sales had started and had looked at a few things I wanted on line already.  I was a woman on a sale mission!

So my birthday purchases are lovely. I didn't get as much as I had planned but, I still have vouchers left for more shopping, Hurrah!  We went to Zara and I tried this skirt on, I loved the colour but decided the fabric was too bulky and added more width to my short torso and more to my already round bottom!

You can tell by my face that I wasn't to keen on this one!
I also bought a pair espadrille style shoe from Office, in the sale for £15. The brand is Rocket Dog.  I had seen these on line beforehand and had been coveting them.

The shopping trip rolled quickly into the afternoon and I had to get back to school for the kids, but not before buying a dress for that evening and my sister bought me the most amazing bag from a concession in TOPSHOP!  The leather is so beautifully soft and tactile. I can't help stroking it and inviting others to to the same!

 Happy Samara!

Friday evening I had dinner with family and friends in a members club in Soho called the Union.  The wine flowed, the food was delicious and the company even better. I wore the dress that I had bought that day in Warehouse.  It was in the sale (£25), and it was perfectly bright and right for me!

Having started this lovely evening in very nice restaurant sipping Prosecco, it ended in the early hours of the morning (3am!) after several bottles of Rose wine, 3 Sambuccas, and a few vodka some-things, two different clubs, a walk home in the rain and not looking as hot as I did when I left the house that evening.   I had the best night, I laughed until my sides hurt and forgot myself somewhere between dinner and falling in to the spare bed at my friends house much later that night.  Birthdays should always be celebrated like this!  I had a great one.

Still got to tell you all about the other lovely things I bought and received, but another day.  Slightly distracted by this dating agency I just joined, which I will tell you all about soon.

Happy shopping!

Samara