Unrest in the cities and unrest in my head.....

.......but amidst all the looting I was bought some new shoes (and no I didn't loot)! I am a slave to fashion.  Not sure how proud I am of that statement, in fact not at all after the last weeks craziness, but if the shoe fits! Hahaha.

These lovely babies are from Offspring in Selfridges.  They are Adidas, Jeremy Scott, Wings Ballerina. Mouthful.  My daughter when she saw them said, "I wish they were real wings, because then you could fly."  I wish they were too.  I helped a friend shop for a holiday and these were a gift in return for my skills!  Or something like that.....Anyway these are deliciously cute, the leather is super soft and the sole is really cushioned.  With some pumps you can really feel the hardness of the ground when you walk but these are like little fluffy clouds.  Maybe that's why they have wings?

I digress, going back to the title, I am asking, after days of destruction and fear on the streets, when is our summer of love?  I know for me it will not be this summer, and I'll tell you why.  My kids are off on their summer break.  They get just over 6 weeks this time around and we have only had three, and I can honestly say we are all lucky to have survived this far!  Their behaviour has gone from bad to worse.  They have been waking earlier and earlier and they spend most of the day being grumpy, whinging and whining about what they haven't got or haven't done.  What they have done this summer so far includes, the Science museum, London Zoo, the cinema three times, the museum of London's Docklands, ice skating, swimming several times, sports camp three times (all day sports from 9.15am to 3pm), parks, play grounds and loads of arts and craft.  We have only got half way through the holidsys.  I am getting a feeling that my kids may be spoilt and/or under exercised.  At this precise moment in time they having time out in their own rooms so they can't poke, pinch, punch, fight, bicker, argue or scream.  This for their own safety and my sanity!  I am so close to smacking bottoms.  So I am taking them out for three laps of our local park or until they beg me to stop which ever comes first.  Lets see what the out come will be.

I know this blog does not discuss my thoughts on the riots, but I think there are enough people out there putting their two pennies in... I'd rather be proactive.  Like getting involved with #riotcleanup, which I did in Clapham Junction on Tuesday.

 Well back to the kids and one lap around the park later, which is just over a mile and a half, they were begging to stop.  The little one scooted around and my daughter jogged with me.  She was not impressed!  So did it help wear them out????   No! They were still up at 5.30am, they came running into my room at some time before 6am to tell me about their battle cries, and what each of them had done to each other.  Not a happy Mummy.  So this morning back out again to the park to do more laps, I will not be beaten.  It leaves me needing retail therapy more than ever! Also it is quite good exercise for me!

I'm hoping next summer will be better, not that I'm writing this summer off, as we have our very first camping trip to look forward to next week, and I am not afraid to tell you that the thought of it has the fear of god  in me as I know how much my kids love to sleep, NOT!  Can I train them to sleep with eye masks?  Anyway as long as the weather is good, late nights and early mornings are bearable, if not, who knows if we'll make a whole week.  Next summer they will be older and I may even be able to afford a trip back to Tobago (finger crossed).  But in the mean time I will keep trying to reign in their appalling behaviour.

Also to note, I removed myself from the dating site.  It just wasn't cool.  Plus I went to the sites 4 th birthday party celebrations and left an hour later, it was just painful.  I did not and do not belong there, ever.  Back to the old fashioned way of dating.  It was also making me constantly check my page to see if anyone had messaged or whatever.  Like I don't have anything better to do, which really I don't.  Maybe I'll try another site!

Anyway time to toddle off to bed.

Happy shopping.

Samara

What do to when the money runs out....

I have just discovered the recession. Fact. Now it is hitting home.  My kids are my priority their needs come first, bills always paid, food in the fridge etc..  This sucks because (as you know)  I love to spend money on clothes and shoes and all things lovely and bright!  But it is what it is.  For a while now I have been thinking that when my boy starts full time school in September that it would give me the opportunity, after 7 years at home raising children, to do something for me.  There is a course at Goldsmiths university, PACE in Music Theory and Singing.  One of my many other hobbies.  (I love to sing).  I was also thinking that a creative writing course would be good now that I have started this blog.  But reality has hit home this week and  as a single mother and sole bread winner I have realised that this is not an option! I never thought I'd be here financially,  but I am.  It is slightly stressing me out.

But in this period of doubt and insecurity I have looked back on positive influences that I have held onto.  The first being my loved ones who always support me. It doesn't even need to be said really! The second is a great book The Secret......a best friend gave me this book after my separation from my husband.  After days of crying reading the first few pages made me suddenly stop.  It is amazing.  It makes perfect sense when you read it.  Of course if you think negatively that is what u attract, negativity.  A year and a half after reading it it still rings true. It is something I always draw on when those feelings of insecurity arise.  The third is another book, Eat Pray Love.  I read this just a few weeks ago, and it in part, especially in the first chapter, feels like what has been and is still going on in my life.  This chapter hooked me and drew me in and kept me.

There are parts of the first chapter of this book that ring true to my life.  The bit about back to back boyfriends from the age of 17ish,  the need to people please and morphing into the man you are in a relationship with. All of these things happened without me realising! Until now.  Now I see it crystal clear.  I had good intentions to give myself a break from any kind of relationship, but I find myself in something that resembles that already.  I can't help myself it seems but I'll tell you one thing, I am doing it differently this time!  Not that this guy would know but I know, so that's all that counts.

 A quote from Eat Love Pray,  " you need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you're gonna wear every day.  This is a power you can cultivate.......Because if you can't learn to master your thinking, you're in deep trouble forever."  This to me was a revelation.  I thought, I WAS STUCK WITH THIS MIND FOREVER!  The mind that allows me to have thoughts of self doubt, and to constantly beat myself up for my failures and mistakes.  I can change it, I change them!  What clarity this has given me. I'm not saying that I have mastered this skill over night but when I find myself on that negative train of thought I remember to turn it around, and to choose the things I think about rather than the thought choosing me.

Anyway I am still not sure what to do about the lack of shopping that is going on in my life right now but  I am staying positive and searching for the perfect job, to fit around my kids, my life, and my retail habits.  If anyone has any ideas, please share them with me.  Also if anyone needs someone to shop with, let me shop with you and give you some help, plus I can ride off your retail fix! I miss shopping :-(

Happy thoughts to you all.......

Samara