I know I have been missing from these pages recently. I would like to say that I am writing this now to apologise for my long and unexplained absence, but I can't. I can't apologise for something that has been, and is still out of my control! Honestly if you knew all the family events and dramas I have been through in the last nine months you would forgive me. So I am back here again to fill you in on all that has been occurring. I will try plead my case, to those who may be feeling unloved and abandoned by me, and those who can't empathise with my position, read on!
Before I can continue on there maybe one, or two tiny excuses for my disappearance that I must confess. The first reason is my relationship with Mr Lips. We have all been distracted before by love interests, I am 100% sure I am not the only one. You would also forgive me for my lack of focus on my blog if you knew how my relationship has, so beautifully and organically developed. It has blossomed into our greatest pleasure we were least expecting. The joy I have in my life now surpasses anything I ever thought I would have. I honestly was starting to believe that this kind of love only happened on film, in fairy tales, or that untruth parents tell their daughters to try and stop their child's purity slipping away. Don't get me wrong, I was happy and loved before Mr Lips, but I thought the only form of love, would only ever come from my children. The love I have for them, the bond I have between each of them is unlike anything I have ever felt before. I never saw any other kind of love for me in my future that would compare let alone surpass what the kids and I have. I believed that the love between the kids and I was the best and nothing and no-one could ever exceed that. I never, in all my dreams, predicted that the journey Mr Lips and I started on back then, could have turned into what we have now. I mean, really, who knew that I could be this happy. That we would both be this happy. Equally we love, satisfy, fulfil, accept and treasure each other in a way neither one of us expected. A complete joyous surprise!
So I said there were two things that have happened recently that have taken may focus from my blog and actually as I write this now I am unsure which event has had the most impact on my life! I guess the sensible part of me, the part who has has always put the needs of my kids first would say it's the new job that has made the biggest impact. The job that was offered to me after I had quit my old job only 2 days before. I had no choice but to leave. It was making me so unhappy, a feeling I did not want to have all over again. I know myself enough now to know when something isn't right for me. I recognise when something is making me so unhappy it affects all the other parts of my life in a negative way. I left this job for the sake of my mental health and gave myself a time frame in which to find an alternative income so I could pay my bills. A risky decision to make with two young children.
Two days later I was offered a job at a school. It felt like fate. The job was in a primary school as a Learning Support Assistant. I had reservations initially about taking the position as I had planned to focus on my newly acquired skill in Swedish Massage. Also after spending 7 years child minding, I was asking myself "Do I really want to work with children again?" I took the risk as it was offered as a short contract, less than three months. I can't tell you how glad I am that I accepted the Job. I didn't think I could feel so happy and fulfilled in this kind of work again. It fits in (most importantly), with me and my kids like an old friend. I can still do the school run, still show my children the emotional support they obviously still need and still spend time with Mr Lips. Life for me right now couldn't be more perfect. I am so HAPPY!
I don't want to brag or boast but I am starting to feel like my Karma bank is paying out! So much so that I have to keep pinching myself and reminding myself that I deserve to be as happy and loved as every other person on this planet. It's a weird concept for me, to feel entitled. Not in an egotistical way but in a equal way.
The other excuse I mentioned before is not really an excuse, but a metamorphosis. A transition from something I thought I knew confidently enough about to not predict the relationship with Mr Lips would ever change. I thought it couldn't change because of both of our histories and that, for me was a concrete enough of a reason to not see what was happening right in front of my eyes. There was one thing wrong with the confidence I had secured myself with, I didn't consider that his feeling could ever change. I didn't fully realise the affect I would have on Mr Lips, so the transition from the former to the later has taken much adjustment for me. Even now, after feeling the full effects of being loved by him, I still keep finding ways of tricking myself into believing that I don't deserve it.
So now Mr Lips loves me. He loves me fiercely and gently, he loves me proudly and adoringly, he loves my honestly and openness His love is not hard to feel or to see. It is so tangible. He thinks he is emotionless, he couldn't be further from the truth. He spoils me and takes care of, not only me, but the children. It feels so perfectly natural, as if it were always meant to be this way. We all love him and he loves all of us.
So, now you see why have been other wise engaged. The dinners we have shared in beautiful restaurants. Hanging out together, letting the kids get to know him and visa versa. There has been a first Holy Communion, which involved returning family members after a long separation. An attempted introduction of ex husband to Mr Lips, and also first meeting of new partners to existing family relationships. It has been exhausting but wonderful.
Mr Lips has taken me to, http://www.lambertsrestaurant.com/, which was divine. The food was delicate and I made Mr Lips order everything I eat. He took me to http://www.scotts-restaurant.com/, What can I say, I was in seafood heaven. Again I loved nothing more than to let him order for me, which he did very well. Our latest evening out together was for my birthday! Yes I am now the grand old age of 35. Mr Lips spoilt me rotten. We dined at http://www.gauchorestaurants.co.uk/restaurants/restaurant.php?id=sloane. An amazing steak restaurant. This meal had me doing the "food dance", (wiggling on your seat and groaning with pleasure at every mouthful, and I mean EVERY single one!) The day after the amazing evening I had with Mr Lips, came my birthday gifts from him. Yes! Plural! He spoilt me more than I have ever been spoilt before! Do you wan to see what with? Let me show you!
This a beautifully simple and stunning rose gold bracelet that he chose for me. No hints, no help. He chose this knowing me the way that he does.
BBBBAAAAGGGGG!!!!!! I love it. It's neon orange leather by Marc Jacobs! Told you I was spoilt, I have never owned anything of this luxurious quality before!
And finally my third gift from Mr Lips....Underwear.
We love in a way that, for both of us has been a long time coming.
Anyway I am apologising for my absence, but don't doubt that I will be back soon. That's a promise!
Much Love.
Happy Shopping.
Samara x
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