Click.

This on line dating business is a funny one, in that there is so much game playing, so much thought put into each comment, or response, that the spontaneity that you have in a face to face situation is lost, completely.  It leaves me feeling very unsure and to be honest slightly more neurotic than ever.  Especially when I am now at a point in my life and situation that I am finally feeling whole and complete.  Not needy or insecure, but this has the potential to make me feel that way again.   As much I know this about on line dating it makes me want to run for the hills,  but there is a part of me as usual,  that will still always stand my ground, so I will keep clicking.  I am a crazy mofo!

So I met this guy on the site I have joined.  He is, on paper a pretty respectable guy, (although not even sure what is supposed to mean, educated,  employed, well travelled?)  I know that when I looked at his pictures, he wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but handsome.  (Hope he doesn't read this!) but there is something about the pictures he posted.  And even now after two dates I can't stop looking at them.  So messages were sent back and forth and a rapport was struck. Numbers were exchanged, well actually I gave him mine....of course it was me first!  

In our first conversation it occurred to me how much I had in common with this stranger and also how much I loved the sound of his voice.  It struck a cord in me, like a double bass, low and mellow.  Vibrating through me.  I feel crazy being attracted to his voice but I guess that is primeval  reaction. Anyway we spoke for maybe an hour and agreed to meet in a couple of days. Even now talking about his voice makes me slightly crazy, in a good way!

In the mean time on the site and I am still getting messages and invites out for dinner.  Still getting compliments and getting my ego massaged.  The thing is I can't help feeling like this is all wrong. Like I am cheating.  I have to give this guy a go first before I decide that he is not right.  I mean I actually like him, but I don't want to put  all my eggs in one basket, for the usual reasons.  I just feel a bit wrong.  Maybe it's my catholic up bringing!  As I met him the way I did, I feel like it is too early to say, are you still checking girls out, do you want me to stop checking out boys,  without sounding like a complete stalker or possessive. I am not.  It is just so hard to know what to do.  Almost enough to make we wish I was still with my ex....but not quite!  

I guess I'll just take it one day at a time.  I will let you know that, the first date was amazing, he was kind, funny, generous, witty, interesting and captivating.  He also let me talk a lot!  Plus his eyes are amazing, and our first kiss was out of this world, but I'm not saying that I like him (unless he says he likes me).  Our second date was even better.  Lets see what the third holds. On line dating is weird but wonderful experience. Just hope I don't have to do it for too long as I may end up a neurotic bundle of mess, which is not cool.